I did an online quiz which thinks I am neurotypical, so the autism of my daughter wasn’t inherited from me. It could have been, my brother has self diagnosed as autistic, but seems in this case to have been skipped over me. Am I disappointed? Maybe a little, but I don’t think it has much meaning when you’ve lived at least half of your life. It would have made sense of some things in my life but to be honest, there isn’t much mystery. You can be neurotypical but still not fit in. But the person who suggested the quiz to me also said it’s not always correct. It was lots of questions so can I bear to do it again?

If I am muddling through should I just keep on going, or would it help me to know and recognise the differences in my reactions as opposed to other people? But it varies from person to person, and female autism is not as well recognised as male. Male autism has been portrayed astonishingly well in some films and dramas, but female autism is less exposed and people, as in their understanding of MS, will have based it on somebody their relatives knew who did that funny gesture all the time. Not all autists stim!

And not all menopauses are the same either. Itching was not a symptom according to the GP (male) who I spoke to last week but some female friends that I had a long overdue ‘coffee’ with were at pains to tell me to see a female doctor who might understand the difference between textbook and lived experience. And the symptoms have not changed this lifelong coffee-avoider into a moccachino-aficionado. I had two rather lovely hot chocs. Which is probably a bit like dark chocolate in pregnancy, better than caffeine!

Work was cold today! Delivering goody bags to different organisations to help them with the winter weather problems. But we had laughs and smiling faces when we appeared so that was lovely.

And it’s cold and dark outside early. So no gardening for much of this week.