It’s difficult to explain this autoimmune disease of mine. It’s invisible to most and I think I need to address it again. I’ve been working from home for the last few weeks and my activity levels have severely dropped. I was doing quite a lot more walking and getting fresh air when we were going regularly to other towns in the district, but now I am a bit more sedentary and I really wish I wasn’t. I struggle to get up from chairs? It’s quite hard to find the Tipping Point that gets me vertical from recline on the sofa!
I need to do a straw poll on the other thing that’s creeping in. Do others have a positive experience of working online? I truly find zooms a really ineffective way of working as inevitably one or more of us drops out and we have to ask for things to be repeated, to enable understanding. Then we finish and I realise the thing I expected to be covered wasn’t actually touched on and it’s a week till our next session. You’ve all probably been through this in the earlier lockdowns but we’re not in lockdown any more? I even find it difficult to know whether I do or don’t wear a mask. Supermarkets all seem to be mask-free in the majority again which is unnerving after so long.
From knowing what the stats are almost to the hour, we now don’t even know if the expected surge in numbers has happened. I really don’t like not knowing, and pretending to go on as normal sends me into a state of inertia. I keep thinking about gardening but it’s clear that I’m procrastinating about that too. I have boxes of bulbs and they haven’t moved from the back door yet. I want to clear more weeds but even my euphoria over clearing out the mares tail keeps fading from my ‘likes’ into my angry emoji.
I keep wondering whether my age means that my MS will change, and in changing make my little ‘niggles’ unbearable. I have been Relapsing Remitting for more than fourteen years, but when you also hit a certain age, your MS becomes less active, so am I just showing signs of aging? When you hit bigger and bigger numbers do you stop feeling bothered to change the world and realise your children will have to do it for you? Not what I expected to ever say…