Been a bit quiet…

I am feeling the lockdown hard. I shout at things I shouldn’t and get angry at FB posts. I am someone who has lived in England longer than I was in Scotland, but I wasn’t born in Scotland, far far far from it, but I am inclined to follow the First Minister Nicola Sturgeon as the government in Westminster are handling Covid so badly I have deliberately stayed away from the briefings. #bodybagboris is trending. It’s a hashtag so appropriate as he fails to answer PMQs without lying about the success of their strategy. 60,000 deaths is nowt to be proud of.

Verbena boniariensis

It freaks me out that the lockdown is over when our daily death rate is still high but I now feel better if I go for walks into town. Staying at home 24/7 is affecting me, I am not feeling at all positive, I cry at the slimmest plain comment and it is doing me in. Like an email I received two days ago sent me into tailspin. My technology at home is not the same as a place I go to work and I’ve been doing online training before lockdown which seems to operate differently on my computer and I don’t get to print out proof of completing the training… Not ideal, and even less so when I get asked to complete the training as soon as possible two days after the government lifts the work ban. Nothing changes…

Wild flowers on field edge

And moreover it doesn’t help when we are all trying our best to adapt to this and I am feeling so frustrated by the effect this has had on me. Having been dormant for a while, my MS symptoms seem to be sneaking back out of hiding. Our daily walks are tricky when those are to do with continence. A subject I struggle to talk about with the kids, well with anyone to be honest, and I don’t want to end up not going out for fear this is going to happen. I need to raise it with my MS team when I eventually get an appointment this year. I’m supposed to do regular appointments and blood tests to ensure my medication doesn’t affect my liver. If they put me on 3 monthly appointments to monitor that why is it ok to not see me till September? The virus has now made it less essential somehow- I keep forgetting the tablets and having flushing, not nice, but I’m not even able to raise that with anyone at the moment.

Some things definitely are not helping me to hit the garden… in fact I’m not watering enough. But being fed candy floss by my daughter is raising my blood sugar so life’s not bad again.

Butterfly on valerian I’m trying to eradicate

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