‘her paws will be tattooed on your heart forever ‘ ❤️

August has not been kind to us. In fact 2024 has basically torn out our hearts and squeezed them tight.

Cardiac surgery first in the queue this year. That took us all by surprise and was an immense stress and ultimate relief when all went as smoothly as we all hoped it would but it didn’t seem fair. July and August has been physio for one but I wish I had had it too!

But the appearance of cancerous lumps was the start of our brief and heartbreaking journey to the vets and a overdose of sleeping medication. I can try to make sense of it by the wee phrase above sent to me by a school friend who lives a long way away but who understands the meaning of our pets. But that’s not enough when it is our family too.

I’ve lost grandparents – you don’t get to my age intact – but when it happens to your children you want to wrap them in so much cotton wool you are in danger of losing them too. Any one will agree to lose adults and pets in the same week is so damned unfair.

I’m trying to find a way to make sense of it and ‘keep a stiff upper lip’ but no, I have ‘emotional lability’ I was told several years ago so I’ll snort or gulp unexpectedly and get strange looks. My grief isn’t far from the surface and it’s so damned unfair.

It’s going to be a hard few weeks, trying not to be lost in thought – hey the chimney sweep is due, life goes on – and I am still desperate to get unfounded energy to clear the house and garden before mess and detritus swallows us up.

The buddleia piles are mocking me when I open the back door – only so much fits in the green bin – and I don’t want to end up wheezing as it is inclined to induce in me. The shredding machine will be called on. But I’ll tidy it now.

The sweep has been and gone in the time that took to type. A stone is cracked at the back of the fire but it can be replaced on his next visit next year… and so life continues… as unfair as it is.